So this is the first thing you’re seeing, Jeremy. This is the first post in a series of on-again-off-again rants and poems and just general writing that I’ve been doing for about a year now. Some of these are dark. Initially, these were just for me. And they still are. They’re my thoughts and feelings and fears and hopes, and they’re how I can best express them. But they’re all hopeful. Maybe not obviously, like there’s literally one titled “On Suicide”, but I always leave these feeling better than I did before. You don’t need to worry about that, I promise.
I’m giving you this link for a couple of reasons. But most importantly, I’m trying to find balance. I both overshare and never reveal anything about myself, I can care too much and not nearly enough, I can be stupidly bold and pathetically afraid. This is a step in the right direction I think. You don’t have to read these. If you have the time and nothing better to do (lol), or you want to see how messed up I am, or you actually enjoy reading them, then go ahead. I’m not looking to reinvent myself.
But basically here’s what you’ll see in this blog: I’m afraid. And this is me being able to lose a couple of those fears. I trust that you won’t share this with anyone. I’m going to move on from looking for validation from others and looking for joy in the wrong places. This is me letting go from the rope that I’ve been dragging myself down with and starting to help myself rise.
This blog is still my personal blog. It’s where I’ll write whatever the fuck I feel like. I don’t expect this to be the way you check up on me or to be a commentary between us. You can read it or not, I don’t care. I’m sharing because I believe that letting my walls crack a little will strengthen what they’ve kept contained. Only when the cracks are there can you let the light out. You can let the light in.